Team 7's Not So Smart Moments
by Saku Rose Uchiha
Summary: Team 7, legendary warriors feared through out the five-shinobi countries. Let's have a look at their far from graceful moments. Various one-shots interlinked. Post-war. Rated M just in case.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto 

Team 7's Not So Smart Moments

A/N: okay so I have started a new FF. I know I should complete the other but this one is a series of stories so it is for when I might have writer's block or want to write something new lol. Anyway, I am still editing my other stories, I haven't' given up on them but here is my new project.

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><p><span>Chap 1 <span>

Naruto sells his teammate.

Naruto ran a hand through his spiky blonde hair, still not releasing the breath her took . He was going to be murdered.

No, wait…

He was going to be murdered. Then cut up into small pieces. Fried. Then fed to Chouji.

Yep….

…..That was it.

He stood outside of his teammate's apartment, contemplating how to break the news. He lifted his hand to knock, but, again, hesitated before letting it fall to his side. He took another breath as more thoughts ran through his head.

"Ohayo Naruto"

The kyuubi- container jumped at the voice, turning to see Sakura smiling at him.

Yep he was going to die.

"Are you here to see Sasuke as well?" Sakura asked, getting her key out to there third teammate's apartment.

"Err… yeah" stammered Naruto, rubbing the back of his head "I was just about to knock"

Sakura smiled and opened the door, letting herself and Naruto in.

"Hey Sasuke" shouted Sakura to the bedroom as she headed towards the kitchen. Naruto had just noticed the brown bag in her hand. Forgetting his earlier problems, he leapt towards her and started emptying the contents of the bag before she could even put it down.

"Baka" Sakura rolled her eyes at the blonde. She knew she should have put the ramen at the top of the bag.

Walking over to the kitchen, Sasuke grunted at the two before going towards his cupboard reaching for a cup.

"Hey teme" shouted Naruto, grabbing the ramen cup excitedly.

Sakura nodded back, as she lightly knocked Naruto on the head, a warning for him to stop. She took all the items he had thrown out and started putting away them away. She threw a tomato at Sasuke, placing the rest of them in the fridge.

"Thanks Sakura" mumbled the dark-haired man, taking a bite out of the red fruit.

"No worries" she replied smiling at him "although, Ami was asking about you again?"

Sasuke visibly paled at the thought of the storeowner's daughter. The last time he was there, she had corned him in the store. She said she was 'returning' a piece of clothing he had dropped the last time he was there.

Sasuke wasn't an idiot. There was only one way she could have gotten hold of his boxers. He tightened the security around his flat that day.

Since then he had asked Sakura if she would help him out with that household chore.

Sakura chuckled at the expression on the ex-avenger's face. Naruto was already boiling the kettle for his ramen, but he didn't seem his hyper self he was minutes ago.

"Naruto?" Sakura asked, when the boy hadn't immediately added the scalding hot water to his cup of noodles. "Are you okay?"

"Erm… yeah" Naruto looked over to Sasuke "I think you need to sit down"

Sasuke froze. Naruto was never this serious unless something had happened. Following his advice, both of Naruto's friends sat down at the table in the kitchen.

"Sasuke, please don't hate me" Sasuke grunted at the statement earning him a glare from the medic.

"Naruto continue," said Sakura grabbing his hand and patting it.

"Erm… Sasuke…. You… have to go on a year long mission to Iwagakure" Naruto rushed the last part of the sentence, refusing to make eye contact with his friends.

Sakura dropped his hand.

Sasuke was lucky he hadn't made the coffee he wanted to drink or he would have been spitting it out right now.

"What do you mean? I haven't been summoned for a mission," snapped Sasuke. Naruto smiled meekly at the boy and rubbed his head again.

"Yeah, Tsunade said since it was my fault. That I have to be the one to inform you"

Before Naruto could comprehend with what was happening, he was pinned to the floor and looking into the red abyss that was the sharingan.

Sakura quickly got to her feet and pulled Sasuke of his best friend. Gripping the black-haired boy in her arms, she glared over to the blonde on the floor.

"What do you mean _your_ fault?" she asked, still handling the Uchiha.

"Well… I kinda … accidentally… accepted for Sasuke to stay with the Earth Daimyo's daughter for a year," Naruto explained again rushing the end part.

Sakura's grip slackened as she heard the words, Sasuke taking advantage of this, jumped right back on to the blue-eyed idiot.

"Wait" shouted Sakura, halting the fight, "can you _please_ start this from the beginning?"

Sasuke growled under his breath and released Naruto from his death grip. He went and stood near his countertop on the other end of the kitchen, leaning against it.

Naruto jumped up, putting distance in between him and the other two people in the room.

"Okay well I was showing the Earth Daimyo's daughter around Konoha, her name is Megumi by the way. And I was showing pictures of all the people I knew, including you two."

Sakura groaned at him to hurry up with the story.

"Okay … Erm… Long story short. Megumi got a crush on Sasuke, like every other girl, and we were at Ichiraku's and she said something about giving me a lifetime supply of ramen, which I then spaced out. I mean think of it I could have ramen everyday all day. Miso ramen, beef ramen, any ramen at all"

"Naruto" shouted Sakura.

"Err… Right…anyway I wasn't listening to her; all I could think about was ramen, so I agreed to whatever she said. Later Tsunade called me and asked why I had accepted for Sasuke to go to Iwagakure for a year to be Megumi's personal bodyguard. And now I am here"

Sasuke looked at Naruto with murderous intent before switching his gaze to Sakura.

Sakura rolled her eyes at the boy in front of her as she waved her arm towards the blonde-haired boy "go for it"

Sasuke growled before charging at Naruto. Naruto ran as quick as he could out of the door.

Yep he was going to die.

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><p>Sasuke waited at the gates for the spoilt earth girl. He glared at the floor hard, hoping it would open up and swallow him.<p>

No, wait.

He hoped it would open up and swallow Naruto.

Sasuke had gone to see Tsunade, after he found out about the 'mission'. Apparently, Megumi was not as stupid as she seemed. She had threatened the Hokage that if Sasuke didn't accept the mission, she would tell her father how she had 'barely escaped' from Konoha ninja as they tried to murder her.

And as her father was blinded by his trust in his only child, he would have not hesitated in war against the fire country.

So here was Sasuke, waiting for this obnoxious girl he would have to look after for a year.

"Ohayo Sasuke-kuuuun" squealed a high-pitch voice. Sasuke head fell the instant the sound hit his ear.

Megumi ran to her new 'guard' and latched herself on to his arm. Around them were Megumi's other guards, she had with her from earth. They looked at him sympathetically.

Sasuke didn't even have the effort to shrug her off. He looked up at the sky wondering if this was Kami's way of punishing him for all the wrong he did in his life.

Sighing, he finally looked at the girl who was molesting his arm. Megumi also looked up to the dark-haired man. Her blue eyes shining in awe at how handsome this man could be. She squealed loudly once more.

Sasuke used all his strength not to push the red-haired girl from his arm and cover his ears. He would definitely be losing his hearing by the end of this mission.

"God, Sasuke-kun, you could have at least waited for me" came a voice from behind the mismatched couple. Sasuke instantly recognised the voice of his pink-haired teammate.

"Sakura what are you …" Sasuke mouth fell as he turned around to look at his team mate "doing here?"

Megumi also turned around and frowned at the sight in front of her. Her arms fell from Sasuke's in shock.

Sakura rubbed her swelling stomach.

"What do you think honey?" she smiled, her stomach sticking out in front of her "I'm going with you"

Sakura walked up to Sasuke and kissed him on the cheek.

"Play along" came a whisper to his ear.

Megumi had missed the words the kunoichi had murmured. In turn, Sasuke smirked.

He placed his hand on Sakura's bump.

"We're so happy you know Megumi-San" beamed Sakura at the girl in front of her. "2 more months and the twins will be here"

Megumi looked at the bump then to Sasuke back to bump then to Sakura.

"y-your having a baby?" she finally asked.

"Babies, me and Sasuke-kun can't wait" smiled Sakura. "You know we were thinking, once the babies are born that we would love to have a wedding at Iwagakure. What do you think? It is meant to be beautiful at this time of year," asked Sakura but her ears were met with silence.

"Erm… you know what… I think I might get another ninja to help me" fake-smiled Megumi, taking a step back from the 'couple'. "I wouldn't want you to be travelling in your condition. Err… see ya Sasuke"

Before Sasuke opened his mouth, a red blur could be seen headed for Konoha gates. The red blur's guards in tow.

Once out of sight, Sakura's stomach deflated, instantly gaining it washboard flatness.

"Say it Sasuke" smirked Sakura to the black-haired boy

Sasuke glared at the girl before sighing "no"

"Say it"

"Fine" he groaned, "I'm your bitch"

"Ha-ha Shanaroooo" Sakura leapt in the air, punching the sky. Man, she loved it when he admitted that.

The end 

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><p>AN: so what to do you think. These are mostly going to be silly stories that the characters of Naruto get up to. If you have any ideas just Pm and I will try to write a chap with that idea. Please R&R. thank you

Ja ne


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Friends

Team 7's Not So Smart Moments

I forgot to mention the setting before so here it is now. All stories are set a few years after the war. You can make up your own minds on how Sasuke came back but in my stories they are around 20 years old.

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><p><span>Chap 2<span>

Sakura glared harder at the little white stick in her hands. Closing her eyes, she raised her head to look at the three pairs of eyes looking back at her. Releasing a breath, Sakura's eyes softened as she nodded.

Ino let out a sob, before Tenten took the blonde into her arms. She buried her head into the brunette-haired girl's shoulder before looking back at them all.

"Girls, promise me, you can't tell anyone yet," cried Ino. Sakura looked at the upset blonde as threw the test in her bin. The four young kunoichis were currently occupying Sakura's bathroom in her flat.

"Okay Ino" cooed Hinata "but don't worry. We'll help you with this"

Ino nodded but her form was still shaking. Sakura squeezed her best friend's shoulder, looking in her cerulean eyes.

"Ino, Hinata is right. Now calm down or Naruto is going to think something is up," stated Sakura. Ino nodded as she turned to the mirror. She took a few deep breaths then splashed some water on her face. Sakura handed her a towel before they all exited the room.

"Hey Ino, Tenten, Hinata-chan" shouted Naruto, leaving his room in the apartment him and Sakura shared together. Sakura had offered Naruto her spare room since she didn't want him by himself anymore. They were great friends so why not live together, plus it helped with the rent.

"Hey Naruto" smiled back Ino, faking it through and through. Hinata and Tenten also greeted the young boy.

Sakura walked her friends to the door; she gave Ino a quick hug as they exited.

Naruto waved at the group of girls as he stretched up before going to the kitchen for some ramen.

"Naruto, I have to go to the hospital and won't be back till later" said Sakura grabbing her white lab coat "I think Sasuke is dropping by so in between now and then please _don't _wreck the apartment again. I'm trusting you"

"I won't Sakura," laughed Naruto. Sakura nodded her head as she, too, exited her flat.

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><p>An hour had passed when the sound of a key unlocking the door came.<p>

"Hey teme" shouted Naruto from his place in front of the TV, not evening turning around to look.

"Hn" came the reply back. Sasuke sat down next to his best friend, raising his eyebrow at the cartoons on the telly in front of him. The sound of the front door opening once more was heard.

Turning around, Sasuke watched Sai close the door and move to the kitchen area of the room. He turned the kettle on while reaching for a cup from the cupboard. His eyes met the young Uchiha's, lifting his head slightly asking him a question.

Sasuke understanding his gesture, nodded at him. Sai took down another cup and started making them both some coffee.

Naruto jumped up and turned the TV off, stretching once more before facing both of the boys in the room.

"So want to go training?" he asked energetically. Sai nodded his head taking another drink from his cup.

"Hn" said Sasuke, getting up himself and grabbing his own cup from the artist nin.

"Yes" screamed out Naruto "okay give me a few moments, I have finish some jobs around the apartment or Sakura will kill me."

Summoning three clones, Naruto ordered each clone to do various tasks. One ran to the sink to clean the dishes, while another was busy brushing the floor.

"NANI?"

All the men in the room turned their heads to where the third clone's scream rang out.

All the Narutos rushed to the bathroom, getting stuck in the doorway as a result. They all started pushing to try to get free and hitting each other in the process.

"Dobe" Sasuke raised his eyebrow at the idiot - or idiots- in front of him. The real Naruto stepped back before rubbing the back of his head. He released his jutsu but his eyes widened when the last clone went poof.

Scrambling into the bathroom, Naruto flipped over the bin. His hands shook as he took out a little white stick.

He stood up and slowly walked towards his team-mates. His blue eyes not leaving the object his hands.

"Guys" he said finally, looking up at them "one of the girls is pregnant"

Sasuke's eyebrows furrowed as Sai looked at him in confusion. Naruto told them that all the girls were there that morning and how he found them outside of the bathroom. They once again eyed the pregnancy test, a small plus sign illuminated on it.

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><p>Sakura sat down at Ichiraku's; she looked at the blonde on her right. She had told the girls to meet her there after work.<p>

"So who's the dad?" asked the pinkette. Ino glared at her before turning her head back to her ramen.

"Sakura sorry but I'm not saying until I have told him," answered Ino. Sakura nodded her head, understanding her friend's feelings.

"Is it Shikamaru? Because Temari will be crushed. Ohh is it Kiba?" added Tenten

"Tenten" scolded Ino; she shook her head at the girl, not amused at all, "I'm not saying"

"Grr fine" Tenten sighed "but you're going to have to tell him sooner or later"

"I know," snapped Ino. She closed her eyes as her shoulder slumped over the counter. "Sorry but this is really stressful"

Hinata got up from her chair so she could hug the azure-eyed girl. Ino smiled at her, hugging her back in the process.

Feeling left out, Sakura and Tenten leaned over and joined in the hug.

A sound of a throat clearing interrupted the tender moment they were having.

Sakura looked up to see all of the men in rookie nine and team Gai.

Naruto, Kiba and Chouji looked angry while Neji and Sasuke were glaring at them. They couldn't tell how Shino was looking at them and Rock Lee was looking at them sadly. Shikamaru had an annoyed look on his face. Sai looked at them stoically.

"Do girls mind explaining?" asked Nara prodigy.

"W-What Shika-San?" replied Hinata; she could feel an ominous darkness around the men. It was scaring her.

"Naruto found a pregnancy test" stated Sai "a positive one"

The girls froze at the sentence. They looked at each other, before looking back at the men.

"Tenten" asked Lee to the brunette haired girl "is you with child?"

At the question Neji choked on his own spit. Said girl's eyes widened at the accusation, she opened her mouth to retort but someone interrupted her.

"Tenten isn't pregnant" assured Hinata.

"Then who is?" asked Shino, his voice slightly higher then usually.

The girls all looked at each other. Sakura closed her eyes, turning her back to them.

She took a deep breath before replying "I am"

Silence engulfed them all. The boys didn't know how to react. They were all close. It didn't matter which of them was pregnant, they wanted to know and would do anything to help them.

Sasuke eye's narrowed at the pinkette's confession. He was so surprised that he didn't even see the fist aimed for his head.

"I can't believe you," screamed Kiba, hitting the black-haired boy in the face. Sasuke punched Kiba back in the stomach, blood running down his chin in the process.

"It wasn't me mutt" he growled.

All the boys looked at each other warily. Sakura had turned back around at the commotion of the fight. She got up, a vein throbbing in her head.

"It isn't any of you, you idiots," she screamed as she healed Sasuke's cut lip. She quickly ran a medical check through Kiba. Luckily, nothing was broken. She turned around and left the area, the three girls followed suit.

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><p>"I can't believe you did that" squealed Tenten, entering Sakura's apartment. Ino pulled the medic into a hug.<p>

"Thank you Sakura" Ino smiled, unshed tears in her eyes "it is just until I have told the father okay? I promise."

"Don't worry about it" smiled Sakura. Sakura eyes narrowed as she felt a quite a few chakra signatures outside her door. She opened the door as all the guys filed into her tiny living area.

"Okay Sakura" started Naruto "I have something to say"

Sakura watched as the blonde boy lead her by the arm and sat her down on their couch. Sakura quickly placed a hand on her stomach as she sat down, keeping in character.

"Sakura" Naruto looked at the pinkette in her emerald eyes "the world is a scary place for single mother. So…."

Everyone watched in shock as Naruto got down on one knee in front of Sakura.

"Will you marry me?"

"What?" asked Sakura.

"What?" snarled Sasuke

"WHAT?" exclaimed Hinata. Her vision felt blurry as she held on to Tenten for support.

"Naruto" objected Sakura, standing up. Naruto also stood up from his spot "I am not going to marry you"

Most of the people in the room let out the breath they were holding.

"Why not?" shouted Naruto.

"Because…" Sakura tried to think of a sensible answer "that is not a good reason to marry someone"

"But…" Naruto urged, "How are you going to do this alone?"

"I'm not alone," answered Sakura "the baby will have all its uncles and aunts to help"

Sakura looked over to Ino and smiled. She took the blondes hand and squeezed it before turning to face the rest of the group.

"Right?" Sakura walked towards the group of men.

"is my baby going to have its Uncle Shikamaru and Uncle Shino? What do you say Uncle Neji?"

Neji gave a sigh and nodded, the others following his example.

"A youthful child in the group" cried out lee "and with such youthful beauty to inherit of Sakura"

"Sakura if you ever need any food for your pregnancy cravings, don't hesitate to ask," added Chouji. Everyone looked at him surprise. Chouji never shared his food. NEVER.

"just one question Sakura?" came a hard voice in the back. Sakura looked at who had spoken to see Sasuke still glaring at her.

"w-what?" she asked, feeling like a young child about to be scolded from her parents

"who is the father?"

All the men began to murmer in the room also wondering who had knocked up the pink-haired kunoichi.

"erm… it doesn't matter" smiled Sakura sheepishly.

"yes it does" growled Sasuke " he has a right to know"

"erm.." Sakura quickly searched her mind for more lies " I already told him. He said he wants nothing to do with me or the baby."

Various obscenities were heard in the room as well as a few growls and knuckles cracking.

"yeah" continued Sakura, fake tears rushing to her eyes " he says I'm damaged goods"

"who is it?" roared Naruto, his irises bleeding red.

"Eita Takahashi" she blurted.

The men stormed out of the room with one name on their mind, the front door slamming shut.

"who is Eita Takahashi?" asked Tenten surprised.

"this guy from the hospital. Absolute jackass but he is on a mission for two weeks so Ino please hurry up and tell the dad," commanded Sakura playfully.

Ino smiled at her, a newfound confidence emerging. She was really happy that everyone would support her just as they would support Sakura.

"Don't worry I'll tell him tonight"

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><p>Ino stared at the door in front of her. She took a deep breath before knocking quickly.<p>

The door opened revealing the person Ino wished to speak to.

"Hi" started Ino with a small smile that didn't meet her eyes "we need to talk"

The person nodded.

"Sakura isn't pregnant" Ino looked into the person's eyes.

"I am"

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><p>Sakura was more then annoyed now. She and the rest of the group were at a bar but no one was allowing her to drink. She was in desperate need for some sake.<p>

The boys never did find Eita Takahashi in the village but that didn't mean they would stop their search. After all tomorrow was another day.

Sakura eyes widened as she was pulled back from her stool into a hug.

"Thank you for helping Ino" came a voice before it quickly flitted away. Sakura smiled. She was so going to be godmother now.

"Everyone I would like to get your attention please" shouted Ino.

Everyone hushed up and turned to the blue-eyed girl.

"I would just like to say, thank you to Sakura" smiled Ino.

Shikamaru looked at her questionably as did most of the people in the room.

"Sakura isn't pregnant guys" Ino's smile got bigger as she tried to decipher everyone's feelings "I am"

A glass broke as Kiba watched Ino be pulled into someone's chest.

The room stayed quiet. Too quiet. Everyone's eyes were on Ino and the man holding her.

Sai

"You" screamed Chouji.

"And him" added Naruto.

Everyone sweat dropped at the pair before going up and congratulating the pair. Sasuke smirked amusedly over to them before sitting next to Sakura.

"That was a eventful day" he commented.

"What was the best part? Me being pregnant? Naruto proposing? Or them two having a baby?" smiled Sakura.

"definitely the last part " he answered.

"By the way, why did you get mad when Naruto proposed to me?" questioned Sakura, slyly watching the sharingan user from corner of her eye as she sipped the sake she could finally have.

Sasuke looked down at the floor "Hn"

"Hey that's not fair," stated Sakura childishly. Sasuke smirked at her before ordering them both some more sake.

The end 

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><p>AN:

Thanks to reviewers : JerrieHigarashi16 and cherrymoon14

I hope you enjoyed and remember to Review because it makes me happy.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters and I don't own the appletinis from Scrubs

Team 7's Not So Smart Moment

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><p><span>Chap 3<span>

Seduction Mission Gone Wrong

Sakura crossed her legs as she waited at her bar stool, her head resting on her hand. She had been here for over an hour and her target wasn't even here yet. Sighing, she pulled at the hem of her dress to cover some more of her thigh.

She was wearing a red spaghetti strapped dress that reached just above her knees, but with her constant moving it was slowly riding up.

Taking another sigh, she ordered another glass of stilled lemonade.

"Hey there" Sakura looked to her left to see another ninja approach her.

"I was wondering if…" he started but Sakura put a hand in his face, still looking towards the bar.

"No" she stated calmly before placing a finger on her earpiece "any visuals?"

"But I was …" the ninja continued.

"No" Sakura said more firmly, hand still in his face.

"_Positive. Target is on the way in_" came Sasuke's voice in her ear.

"But…"

"No" Sakura half shouted still not facing him. Instead, she span around to face the entrance of the bar.

"Bitch" snapped the ninja giving up. Sakura heard Naruto snickering on the other end of her headphone. Rolling her eyes, she watched her target enter the bar area, he sat down at a table on her right.

The target, a ninja, brown eyed and green haired man around 40 ordered himself an apple martini.

Sakura raised an eyebrow but ignoring his feminine drink, she got down to business. First, she tilted her body in his direction.

She looked over to him hoping to catch his eye but he seemed to busy analyzing all the other men in the room. His drink had arrived and he was calmly sipping it.

Finally, Sakura caught his eye. Smiling she turned her head, faking a blush.

When he didn't immediately come over Sakura tried once more to grab his attention. Again, she made eye contact with him but once again, nothing.

Taking things into her own hands, Sakura sauntered over to him.

"Hey there" she said sitting next him. The man just smiled at her.

"So you here all alone" she asked placing her hand on her neck, slowly moving it down the valley of her breasts.

"_Take it easy Sakura-chan_" she heard Naruto whisper. Sakura fought the urge to roll her eyes again.

"Yeah unfortunately" the man sighed, circling the rim around his martini glass with a finger while resting his head on his other hand.

Sakura calmly scanned the man, her eyes resting on the very deep wrinkles around his mouth. Still watching him, the man took out two vials of pills from him pocket before popping one of each in his mouth

"You shouldn't really mix alcohol…." Her eyes widening when she saw the labels on the vials.

Quickly excusing herself, Sakura ran out of the bar before jumping on the roof of the building across.

"What are you doing Sakura?" asked Sai. The other men faced the pinkette who was still quite wide eyed.

"He is drinking an apple martini" she stated "and he has wrinkles around his mouth"

"And?" question Sasuke.

"He also takes Doxycycline and ampicillin," she reported.

"Again I'm going to and?" repeated Sasuke.

"Well Doxycycline is taken for Mycoplasma genitalium and ampicillin is taken for shigella," Sakura explained "well that is some of the conditions they can be taken"

"Sakura" warned Sasuke rubbing his temple.

"Erm… if that is why he taking this medication for well there is only one cause for that" Sakura's face reddened as she looked at the three boys in front of her "anal sex"

Sasuke closed his eyes in annoyance as Sai just raised his eyebrow. Naruto looked at her in complete horror but his face turned to confusion.

"Sakura. What has that got to do with the mission?" he asked finally. Sai turned to him, his face baring its usually stoic mask.

"It means he is gay," he stated calmly.

Sakura rubbed the back of her head at Sai's bluntness.

"Oh no wonder he didn't find Sakura hot. I mean Sakura, you do look wow" commented Naruto, drool making it's way down his chin till Sasuke hit him on the head.

"Sasuke we have to come up with a new plan. We need the information he has on mist and seduction is the best route," concluded Sakura. "And since I can't do it…."

The boy turned to one another knowing that one of them had to do this mission. They all placed a fist on their palms.

"Okay 1, 2, 3"

Sasuke hand was laid on flat, as was Sai's. Naruto's however was in the shape of a rock.

"Oh man" Naruto whined "why do I always lose"

_Because you always pick rock idiot _Sasuke thought.

Naruto ran to Sakura crying into her shoulder. "I don't want to do this mission"

"Aww Naruto. Come on someone has to do it," she cooed, rubbing the blonde on the back. "Think Naruto, it is hard missions like these that are taking you one step closer to being Hokage"

Thinking over the words Sakura had said for a moment, Naruto straightened up, the determination coming back to his eyes.

"Okay I will do this," he stated. Getting some tips from Sakura, Naruto jumped down from the building and he entered the bar.

"_Okay Naruto first go to the bar and order a non-alcoholic drink_" advised Sakura. Naruto groaned. If he were going to complete this mission, he would definitely need some Sake.

Naruto followed Sakura's words; he ordered a glass of stilled lemonade. The clear liquid could easily be interpreted for most beverages.

Sakura guided Naruto through the headsets on how to approach the target.

Finally, Naruto was talking to the older ninja.

"_Okay now accidentally spill your drink in his lap,_" she ordered.

Naruto hesitated before he clumsily did as she said. He quickly grabbed a napkin and started rubbing the brown-eyed man's thigh. Slowly and softly, slightly grazing his crotch.

On the outside, Naruto was smiling, but inside he was dying slowly.

* * *

><p>Sakura turned her head to see Sasuke smirking and Sai was quietly chuckling to himself. She herself couldn't help but laugh at the predicament her blue-eyed team-mate was in.<p>

* * *

><p>Naruto finally let his hand rest on the man's leg, as he ordered him another martini. Less on the apple and more on 'tini.<p>

Sakura kept guiding him until Naruto had managed to get the ninja very, _very_ drunk. He quickly spilled all the details on dealings with the mist village.

Naruto was happy to see the end of the mission appear. He had all the information they needed, all he had to do was get out now.

"So it's getting late and my… brother will be very worried about me" lied Naruto. The ninja looked at him with a sad expression.

Before Naruto could stand up, the man had leaned in and captured his lips, slipping his address in his trouser pockets.

Naruto barely kept himself of vomiting; he smiled awkwardly, his eyes watering slightly and turned around to exit. He definitely didn't stop the cry that escaped his lips when he felt his bum being pinched.

"I am never, NEVER going on a seduction mission again," cried Naruto, brushing his teeth furiously.

"Welcome to my world" smirked Sakura, as she and her team sat on a bed in one of their rented rooms for the night.

"So Naruto, if what Sakura says is correct" said Sai "that is you 2nd kiss with a man and you have never kissed a girl"

"Shut up Sai," growled the young kyuubi container.

"And Sakura, those lines you were referring to around the target's mouth, 'blowjob' lines as you call them" started Sai "they are faintly showing on your face as well"

Sakura's eyes widened, as did Sasuke's. The briefly made eye contact before glaring at the young artist nin.

Naruto had barely anytime to move out of the way when Sai went hurtling out of the room window, courtesy of Sakura's left fist.

The end.

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks to reviewer : Kumiko-Oneechan - that scene was from Friends lol.

And I hope you liked it and if you did please review. All information I got from Anal sex was from wikipedia so I am sorry if it is incorrect. I had to have a very akward talk with my father when he saw that I was on that wiki page. NOT GOOD. Anyway please Review or favourite or alert. Thank you

P.S- The apple martini thing I got was from scrubs. One hell of a show


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